if u want to be everything then stop being nothing

im living my life atm.
could work harder at school.
scared that im giving all of myself away to the internet.
thing is, if ppl give enough of a shit about you theres always a trail.
and i don't know if i want that..

i keep needing to be reminded im yung by strangers lol.
[let me know do i still got time to grow?]
i feel sad, mostly about love.

keep deleting + distancing.
everything is temporary.

but i'm not sad sad.
this is a new reality i've been living ever since summer.
it's confusing, i feel like i have a new default being.

i wanna paint more.
i always forget about these mediums.

i wanna do sculpture.
i'm calling it!
i want the curves and freedom of sculpture.
film can take a back seat at the moment.

why aren't people allowed to be confused all the time?

also how do someone get out of the headspace of i want what i can't have? (asking for a friend)
slash i know the answer. its all in ya head. u just gotta force urself out of it. ugh

anyways.. sending anyone who actually reads this blog love via tunes-
we all deserve softer realities than the ones we're living

I WANT TO BE EVERYTHING
DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE
DONT MAKE ME GIVE UP ONE IDENTITY 4 ANOTHER
I WANT TO B EVERYONE I LOVE AND ADMIRE
I WANT TO BE ALL THE WRITING AND VISUALS AND SOUNDS THAT I FIND INTERESTING
I WANT TO BE EVERY NUANCE THAT I CAN B
I DONT MIND IF ALL MY CONTRADICTIONS FIT STRANGELY IN THIS BODY
I WANT TO BE EVERYTHING THAT I WANT TO BE
I WANT 2 B FREE !